Today’s not a good day, feel low today – although physically wise getting stronger each week, mentally it’s a struggle, I hate days like this. I try to be positive, on a normal day I know I’ve been lucky…..but today (maybe it’s the weather) I can only see the things I’ve lost.
Every advert seems to be about hair whether it’s shampoo or hair dye, women with beautiful heads of hair, then I look in the mirror!! If it’s not hair envy it’s cleavage envy, I have one boob at least a size smaller than the other and it doesn’t really look like a boob well like my boob. Bras arent comfy due to this, which i dont think is helping my back. Trying to think about the future is an issue too, because I know there’s a chance it will return. I know I can’t not plan but it’s there, little things like buying a car to help my journey to work (more comfortable car for my back) but it will need paying for, which means working (working not issue – looking forward to returning) but who’s to say how I’ll be in 6 months to a year? As I say it’s just there hanging over me, on a good day I can say and believe, but no one knows what the future holds, you can cross the road and get knocked over. But today isn’t a good day, today is a day all those nasty negative thoughts are there niggling at me.
Nightime isn’t good, my hands and feet get sore and legs itchy, I have to lay there trying to ignore them and not rub them, as this only makes them 100 time worse. So not sleeping well, which may not be helping my mood.
As I’ve said I hate days like this because I also have a battle with myself, because I should be positive I am lucky, just sometimes……….I have had a good week and a nice week planned this week, seeing some amazing friends, coffee meet ups, sleepovers, visitors and tea out next week, fabulous catch ups all round, I have wonderful support and know I wouldn’t be so strong without you all ❤ but today I will allow myself to feel sad, to feel my loss and to feel pain – but tomorrow is another day and tomorrow I have a coffee date.
Thank you for reading – I feel better for having written this.