On the mend, slowly but surely …..

I have returned from my second holiday – this one was so much more me πŸ˜‰ a lovely lodge in Dorset – so beach holiday. The weather was good too, this week away I realised the difference a couple of weeks can make. I still get tired but I managed to do so much more, and no afternoon granny naps πŸ˜‚. My brain is still on a 3 week cycle, I still seem to measure things by chemo, I guess as time goes by I’ll stop thinking this way, for example this week to me is “5 weeks since chemo”. Whilst away last time I remember waking up on the Thursday thinking I should be having chemo today, and strangely enough I actually missed going for it – why ? I guess my life has revolved around chemo for so many months and a 3 week cycle, now suddenly it doesn’t, suddenly I don’t have any structure, very strange feeling. Whilst on my holiday I managed to get back to paddling – ok not in a kayak, but on our sit on top, bit more stable. But a paddle and I loved it, was concerned how my back would be, as the reconstruction I had, removed a muscle and tissue from my back to build a new breast. But was ok, next few days I did feel it, but it was worth it, I am on the mend πŸ˜€. On our last day we visited a RSPB reserve and we had a long walk, I am not going to lie it was a bit too far, and I struggled towards the end, which made me a bit grumpy πŸ˜‰, however once completed I did feel good, proud of myself. My daughter’s fitbit said 7500 steps but my phone said 9500 steps (so going with my phone πŸ˜‚) with 5500 steps at a healthy pace. I am tired still 2 days later, my body wasn’t happy after I was actually sick that night, so it was too much, but felt normal. Whilst on the beach I rocked the head scarf, floppy hat and large sunglasses and factor 50, so not much of a tan, which is unusual for me, but at least looked glam πŸ˜‚

Tamoxifen – well I’ve been on it now for over a week, not sure if had any side effects as such, am I more irritable ?? Best ask the family πŸ˜‚ I am spotty, every morning I wake up to a new spot 😀. I am itchy not sure if this is the tamoxifen or not, I am also warm all the time, not hot flushes as such just feel warm, when others aren’t. I am more thirsty so drinking lots of water (still not able to drink much alcohol πŸ˜” a small Pimms or glass of wine – or I am ill.  Took a bottle of champagne with me, and returned with it, it’ll have to wait – hubby happy as means I drive πŸ˜‚) 

This holiday did me a world of good and sad to be home, I did things with the kids again, I am on the mend, slowly but definitely on the mend – in the post on my return was an invite to a course moving forward in November, breast cancer care run it, so on Monday I will book myself onto it, not too sure need it, but if it helps me a little then worth it, I need to start giving myself the best opportunity to move on positively as I am well aware of the statistics of anxiety/depression after treatment. 53% of people said they struggle with anxiety after treatment and 31% with depression. And I can relate to 80% of people who said they were concerned that the cancer will return – any ache or pain or change you think twice about – these are from a survey conducted by breast cancer care of 800 people who had a diagnosis. I hope the course will reassure me and give me the tools to move on without cancer over shadowing it πŸ˜€. 

1 thought on “On the mend, slowly but surely …..

  1. Sarah merriman

    So glad to hear that you have enjoyed your holiday . Your blog makes an interesting and heartfelt read . It must have seemed like a long and daunting road in the darkness at the beginning but hopefully you are looking to the sunrise now and happy days ahead xx


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