Fridays are hard, she took her last breathe on a Friday and vision I will never forget. Today is a Friday, but today is even harder.
A year ago today, Emelia and I visited A&E as her vision had deteriorated and her headaches hadn’t improved, luckily the doctor ordered a scan. 12 hours later we were made aware that they had found a mass. We overheard the on call neurologist trying to persuade the on call ophthalmologist to see Emelia and advise us on her sight, he wasn’t keen as it was midnight. The neurologist took us to see him (you know its serious when the top people take you to a different department) the ophthalmologist was positive that Emelia’s sight would return once the mass was removed. (I remember not liking him, he seemed arrogant)
Long story, short the neurologist spoke at length with QMC neurology department about Emelia going there, but they didn’t have a bed, so she was admitted to the ward at Lincoln County Hospital. I had to leave her at 1am, that was so hard, we hadn’t been told it was cancer. But we knew it was a mass, and overheard the word tumour. How Emelia started in such high spirits is beyond me but she was joking with the nurse about me being more worried about me leaving her, than she was at being left, this makes me smile writing it 😊
4am call to say she was blue lighted to QMC. Where she was alone with no visitors due to covid. How scared she must have been, but never showed it, we talked and video messaged most of the time.
To say I miss her is an understatement, my heart hurts if I think about her, being anywhere without me, we have always been a team. I loved being her mum, she taught me how to be a mum, she taught me unconditional love. I know I will never be the same, I know apart of me died when she did…..I don’t know if the above quote is true, but it feels like it, I want to believe it, as it gives a little comfort ❤