You would think coming to the end of treatment you would start to feel relief, is it relief? Or hope maybe, unsure whether I mean positive – not sure really, all I know is I don’t feel this, I feel scared, apprehensive and anxious about the future. I don’t like not being positive and I do have fleeting moments of it, and can see life back to how it should be. Unfortunately there are so many unknowns its hard to stay positive. We have been in a bubble of hospitals, treatments and health professionals for 6 months, after her last chemotherapy it will be the unknown.

I know Emelia is feeling it too, she is planning a return to her Uni accommodation in September (Uni paused till January) to try to regain her life. But she is finding it tough to think about living with not knowing. We are unsure when we will know if its worked. I understand that its hard moving forward after cancer, but I was lucky that mine has a lower risk of returning, however for Emelia we have already been told that if it has buggered off there is an extremely high possibility that it will return, she doesn’t know how she will carry on with her normal stuff knowing this, I know she will.

So proton beam radiotherapy finishes next week, not saying what day as not jinxing it again, unfortunately the beams have had a few wobbles this last couple of weeks and this means she has missed some treatments, so they are doing 2 a day for a few days, they can do this as long as they are 6 hours apart. She has coped well with this treatment although she has headaches and her nose is sore and congested. She has an eye infection in her right eye (the one she can’t see out of now). Her hair is coming out again, this was a shock this time, as it had started to grow again, but she coping with it with a smile and humour.

She had chemo last week it went okay, again it was given under ambulatory care, which means she didn’t stay in over night, they gave her the flush with mesna, in a backpack attached to her PICC line and she was able to come back to the apartment, unfortunately at 5am the machine decided it would get air in its line, so an early morning trip to the ward to get it sorted, apart from that hiccup it went well. She is due her last 🤞 chemotherapy back in Nottingham on the 9th. We hope we may get some answers when she is there, as we wouldn’t know when leaving here. The waiting does mess with your head.

We can’t wait to get home, the apartment has been good, thankful for the air conditioning, thankful she was able to have this treatment here in the UK. If it had been 18 months earlier we may have had to go abroad which may sound nice, but we have been told about people who have gone aboard, and its no picnic! Emelia now needs her own bed and Theo.