Today – Thursday she is half way through. It’s gone quick but I am starting to find it harder, I find it tough to see her go through this and I feel it’s so unfair. The realisation that we may not know the outcome for a while is hard, she so wants to get a life back, but she doesn’t know how she will do it without knowing. She will though she is stronger than she realises.
The 3 weeks have had some rollercoaster moments – nothing runs smoothly for her. Although having chemo as a out patient did, we hope it goes as smoothly next week. We had an 8 hour visit last week, due to her needing the zoladex injection (they are hoping this injection will save her ovaries) Manchester don’t give this injection so took time to get one, then the nurses had never given it – once they saw size of needle, didn’t really want to give it. At least they read the instructions and I was able to explain about the safety catch (previously left on and the nurse hadn’t understood why she couldn’t inject Emelia)
Last week they also did extra scans as the density in the sinuses is different due to the tumour responding, and they wanting to alter the beam. Which was good news, the consultant agreed the new plan and they took it to the physics team who didn’t agree, so plan stays the same. The tumour is responding however its becoming holey rather than shrinking – I did ask if it doesn’t go can she have more proton beam radiotherapy, the answer was no, her team would need to look at other treatment, as she is have a “good” dose now. She has had a few delays this week, as they completed the maintenance last weekend and this means it takes longer to set the machine up and aim the beams.
I think I am wobbling this weeks as it all rides on this working, and we are half way through.the end is getting close and we don’t know what is really happening with it. I am so tired. Also home sick, miss the dogs, being in the apartment without windows that open, Manchester is so busy, I don’t like being out there, she is so vulnerable. I think the fact Tom has covid has maybe made it more real now. Some of her old symptoms are coming back, she is having headaches, her nose is irritated again, and the feeling in that side of her face hasn’t returned so still feels odd. We are trying to get out and have picnics and keep busy, but we are getting on each others nerves 😂 poor Emelia shouldn’t be cooped up with her menopausal mum, (and that’s hard enough for everyone around me) and her dad 24/7 but that’s where she finds herself. But we are halfway there ……..