Well I’ve been home a few days now, and it’s been a struggle, physically and emotionally, not sure I am out of the tunnel yet……
I came home on antibiotics which I have now finished, so a step in the right direction. However I have a cough, which is making my back – where had operation – hurt, as pulling it. My nose has been affected and feels odd, my taste buds are bad, all I can taste is medication, this is making eating and drinking difficult, how can you eat what you fancy when it just all tastes the same? My appetite dropped in hospital and I am trying hard to build it back up, as I know I will feel better if I could eat better. I am not sleeping well either which is not me, cough not helping…. I was given sleeping tablets to help in hospital and they have sent me home with them, but only seem to work for 3 hours 😔 I’ve read leaflet and can take 2 so that’s my plan, one good night’s sleep! I cough too much I leak, we know this a common issue, I ask hubby to buy me some period pads always or something similar… he returns with “tena ladies” !!!! I am 45 yrs old not 80! They are huge ladies it’s like wearing a nappy, but as one wise lady said I can now cough with confidence 😂😂, and watch Andy Murray with confidence too 😉
Emotionally I am not in the best place, then I feel guilty as there are so many people worse then me, but I am human and I have been through a bit lately so need to allow myself to feel a little low – that’s what I would tell any friend, so need to take own advice 😉. Only one more…… Only one more, but really not looking forward to it! I have read that people don’t always finish the course for many different reasons….a lady in the next bed to me, couldn’t have last one due to the side effects, she managed 10 yrs cancer free. I kind of hope the oncologist remembers that he offered for me to go back to the first drugs FEC – I know the red one horrid but compared to a week in hospital, I’ll take it. I guess need an open conversation around statistics and quality of life, I can’t let my family go through what they went through again, it was bad for them seeing me so ill. I will need to inject my tummy with drugs to encourage bone marrow to produce white cells if I have the same drug, not sure I could inject myself! It’s taking me a long time to work my way back up to being me, think that’s what I am finding hard, I can’t concentrate to read, it’s taken ages to write this. At least I have the tennis 😀
Next week has come round quick again – oncologist Tuesday and chemo Thursday – last one though then I get to look forward to my holidays.