I hadn’t realised until yesterday how much this cancer lark/rocky road/experience/journey – however you describe it has affected me mentally as well as physically
It was my beautiful cousins joint birthday party with her lovely husband, of course we were invited and I was so pleased when I realised that it fell on my good (ish) week 😀 also it was being held just up the road – bargain. I know we women can spend a lot of time and effort thinking about what to wear, how to do our hair and make up for parties, but this became a whole new level for me yesterday. I have always been one to plan an outfit, as I’ve always tried to look my best, but the anxiety I felt over this was a first, lots of things I tried didn’t fit (gained weight as less active and eating cake 😉) finally sort of settled on an outfit. Now to start getting ready, this takes ages as I need to keep resting. Make up on, dressed now for the wig…..yes the wig is lovely it’s also a slightly more expensive one so it’s well made and you can’t see hair line, however I have a love/hate relationship with my wig, yes I feel better in it as I look like I have hair, but it’s not my hair and I know this…..my brain makes me think people can tell, although I know they can’t really.
So there I am ready, all should be good yes? But no this is when my body decides it is going to just sweat and my pulse quickens – I am so nervous, why???? I am told you don’t have to go, you said you’d go if feel up to it, if you don’t then we don’t go. But I know I have to go, this is more than a party this is me going out with my wig to a party. This is me going out looking and feeling different to a party. This is about me building my confidence back up, this is a rock in my road I have to climb………
So off we go, I am shaking as we enter. I actually have my first glass of wine since drinking a bottle of red when told we got it all! (That was messy the next day 😂) And yes many will be pleased to know I really enjoyed it. I think it may have helped settle my nerves) I get a lovely welcome from my family, see this isn’t so bad, people ask how I am and seem genuinely pleased to see me. I will admit i found a chair in an a quiet spot out the way. Although it was hard to do and such a relief when I got in the car to take my wig off it was worth it (thought should wait till I was in the car 😀)….. another rock smashed only a few more to go.
I am suffering today….was it the wine or the later night or the nerves, who knows but I am tired, and achy today. My heads not quite right but all in all it was worth it.
What’s doesn’t break you makes you stronger
Oh you. You were absolutely stunning! This has just made me cry as on so many levels you are an amazing cousin, woman and generally an awsome human! We really appreciated you coming last night and whilst you were nervous on the inside this did not come across at all. Love you xxx
Thank you … I think the wine may have helped 😉 xx
The wine hasn’t helped me at all today!!
Oh dear….was a good do xx
Well done you. Hope you’re able to relax today to recover. Another mountain climbed, you are bloody superwoman!! X
So pleased you came and you looked lovely as ever. Hope resting today puts you right. Lots of love xx
This has also made me cry, not least because you looked absolutely stunning last night, inside and out. Such an inspiration. Xxxx