It’s a good job I’ve actually gone off chocolate ( hope some of you were sat down when I said that 😂 it’s okay still like my cake ) and can talk about rocky road without salivating…
To be honest I’ve had a tough few days, emotionally as well as physically, my breathlessness when I attempt to do anything is getting me down. Last round I felt quite good, so it’s hit me harder emotionally this time. The last 2 days I’ve just wanted to curl up and shut the world out, I’ve ignored messages and phone calls, but I needed too, I needed some me time, some time to wallow (no sunshine not helping).
This rocky road (think it describes what I am going through better than “journey” or “experience”) I’ve been going down has taken it’s toll, I feel that I’ve not healed before having something else thrown at me, I had a very big operation in January, they wait till the wounds have healed, but they are visible wounds, not wounds inside or emotional wounds, then I am thrown on the chemo route, I have read it can take a long time to adjust to the shock of having cancer and often doesn’t happen until long after treatment. I still dont like what I see in the mirror, I am bald, and it doesn’t suit me, (but why can I lose my hair on my head yet my chin and top lip still sprouts them, so unfair 😉) I’ve gained weight, and my body is covered in scars, let alone my boobs looking different. The breast cancer care charity deliver a course around moving on after breast cancer, so although I am unique it’s comforting to know that what I am feeling is “normal”, even if I don’t like feeling this way.
Steroids don’t like me, I am on a lowish dose, but they do bung me up, this I know isn’t helping with my breathlessness or my chemo brain. So I am slightly concerned to how my poor body will cope with next session, it’s a different drug, and I need to take 4 steroids twice a day, starting the day before, and for I think it’s 4 days after. (Prune juice – yuck 😂)
I am sleeping more this time round (I do love sleep though) but I am making sure I am up when the kids come home, I have made sure I eat tea with them, they know it’s been a hard session this time but we are doing well and making time to talk, to keep things as they should be, “how’s school” “how are your friends” etc. However they are teenagers and they may wish to move the boundaries at any moment, keeping us on our toes 😉
I think I am coming out of my dip, and I shall push myself to take Lucy dog for a short walk tomorrow, this will improve my mood and may help my bowels too, I can hope. Time to stop wallowing and enjoy the wild life and good things around me 😁