A friend suggested I start a blog after I posted this on my Facebook page, so here goes 

I’ve been a bit quiet since chemo started, not wanting to post negative things, but my mum said something to me! She thinks people will still want to know how I am. So here goes …. chemo started 3 weeks ago, I’ve been sick and soooooo very tired, which is hard to deal with, I now have hardly any hair – to lose the thing i used to hate as a teenager but have now learnt to love has been so hard (I guess on a daily basis people would say they love my hair – maybe due to working with the age group I do), I have to thank Kelly Linder my amazing empathic hairdresser for shaving it without crying 😀, you have been great throughout this – I can’t thank you enough xx 
Has it been the hardest part so far? No looking in the mirror and not being me is the hardest part that includes hair or lack of it, and not feeling positive (usually glass is half full) – this maybe my hormones which are all over the place – chemo I think. 

I have had so many amazing messages telling me I am brave and how proud you all are of me, but I don’t feel brave as this week begins, due to 2nd dose of chemo on Thursday. I feel guilty for not feeling positive and for feeling low, but …… I am learning that I am allowed to feel the way I do! Guilt is the biggest emotion I feel.
Thank you to my wonderful family and some very special friends who have and still support me daily …. and for saying I look great with No hair lol 😂 I love you (fingers crossed hair grows back blonde and straight – as blondes have more fun, the world will then have to watch out 😉) ps it’s taken a lot for me to write this, and it’s not for sympathy, but it’s helped me realise I am human and yes I am allowed to be pissed off with my situation and question why me – so thank you for reading xx