After yesterday’s blog I became quite poorly, I developed a migraine, was sick and had the runs (Sorry if TMI 😂) this made me feel pretty low, I actually thought at one point when I was wheezing that I would need to go to hospital. However being sick made me sleep, and when I woke I felt a bit better. Laying in bed gave me more time to think…….
As you know my daughter is struggling with teenage life, exams mainly…but what an inspiration she is to me, I lay there feeling sorry for myself and yet she is, with all her physical symptoms pushing on, attending a course/shadowing at the hospital – she went on her own feeling crap, but she did it, she went into the operating theatre and watched an operation (didn’t faint – which she was concerned about), today is mock interviews and then more shadowing. Each morning she feels bad with nerves/anxiety and yet she goes. Last night she was so anxious about the mock interviews, I felt rough still, but realising what she is doing and how she is coping made me get out of bed and curl up in hers, to talk exit strategies if needed. We discussed worst case scenarios and what to do, not sure if helped her, but it pulled me back to reality, this amazing (and I don’t publicly gush or praise my kids much as I know they know how I feel as I tell them) young lady is still following her dreams even though she is finding every hurdle there is and she is conquering most of them – I just wish she would see it the same way, hopefully in time she will. Anyway if this young lady can do what she is doing then I can deal with the rest of chemo. She showed how amazing she is publicly by changing her Facebook profile picture, to her and me (being bald).
The hair issue is still divided in our house, although my daughter feels I should embrace it and show the world, my boy hates it, I took my hat off in the car in village and he was very strong in his wishes for me to put it back on. I do wear my wig when visiting people with children just because they may ask there parents difficult questions, but then is it right to hide it? Kids need to learn about the world, however they grow up so quick these days and have so many pressures, they can stay kids a little longer and stay sheltered from my chemo for now 😀
So today I wake to the birds singing and the sun shining determined that all is well with the world, my garden is beautiful, we now have a wildlife pond with plants and I’ll soon have a bench to sit on and admire it, thank you cancer and chemo as this wouldn’t be if you’d not come into my life 😉 – tomorrow will be a tough day but if my daughter can carry on so can I, I can conquer another boulder in my rocky road and we can grow together ❤