I’ve tried to work out my thought process yesterday, and to be honest, I don’t think there was one, other than I need to get drunk and feel something else, something other than this dark cloud hanging over me.
And if the truth be known, it worked for an hour or so, and I felt amused at things. I could see why people turn to drugs and alcohol and get addicted to the free feeling you get from it (just to note this is alcohol, I have never experienced drugs so can only surmise on how they make you feel)
However, if you know me well, you will know that since having chemo, I can’t tolerate much alcohol, I get very sick! So today will be a write-off, as I recover from a rough night. Be gentle with me today, as the after effects make me even more emotional (yes, this is possible). I feel silly, but every now and again, I need reminding alcohol doesn’t help in the long run. Also, a note to myself that nothing will ease the pain of Emelia’s death, the whole she has left in my world. I should just feel these feelings, as that’s the only way to keep going. She deserves that.
On the plus side, I don’t think I sent any embarrassing I love you messages 💓 or worse, whilst under the influence. If I did, I apologise, if it’s any consolation, I was thinking about you, when I was feeling amused 😆
Am thinking of you constantly and my friend whose son was in Emelia’s year group at William Farr and died in September 2021 sent me this Care for the Family website which has helped her and husband and daughter – thought you might be interested.
Sending love and a massive hug as ever xx ❤️